My Dad is dying. I feel like if I say that, it’ll be real. It doesnt feel real. Its been coming for a while. Cancer. He beat it 15 years ago, but it came after a decade. He beat it again but it was harder, it took more out of him. And it came back again last year. At first it didn’t seem ‘bad’, But this time …
Dad has always been active. August of last year he had ridden over 500 miles on his beloved bicycle. When I came out to visit this summer, Dad was too tired. He hadn’t ridden his bicycle in months.
But Dad was still ‘Dad’. He was cheerful and kind and concerned for the well-being of his family. He was engaged in the world in a way I’ve never mastered, he had a way of treating every person he met as a friend.
It was a longish visit this summer and now I’m so grateful for the circumstances that let me come home.
I’m glad that I started calling home every few days just to talk.
I could tell he was deteriorating, but I wasn’t prepared for this.
Mom called me in the middle of November and said Dad was in the hospital and it ‘wasn’t looking so great, but I shouldnt worry too much.’ Her words.
And then another phone call, and more bad news.
I flew out, expecting to be here maybe a week.
.And I was shocked. Dad was lucid but that was about the best that could be said. We talked, and settled a lot of family stuff I won’t bore anyone with. But Dad was in agony most of the time. Pain Management had become a fucking joke and he said flat out that he wanted to die. He wanted the pain to be over.
I had a stupid argument with my mother … and that was the last day Dad was lucid.
Anyway, I started writing this a couple of days ago and it’s sort of moot now. Dad passed away early this morning. Really he was gone a week ago and I’m glad he’s not in pain anymore and not having to suffer the indignities that Cancer heaped on him.
fun fact: I typo’d video games today as “video dames” and then was saddened that this is not the common term for girl gamers
sounds like something I want embroidered on the back of a leather jacket
I suddenly want to start a gang.
Can I be in your gang?
I fucking love Tim Horton’s. And peppermint hot chocolate is one of my favorite holiday flavors.
OOH! Fellow Canadian! I love finding canadians on here. the only thing that could make this better is if you lived in NL.
I’m not Canadian.
Rachel’s not canadian, but I am *waves shyly from the prairies*
Also a Canuck here. BC currently, but I grew up in the NWP and Alberta.